As PANDAS/PANS parents, one of our greatest challenges is watching our child go through a flare. During flares, our children can be unreachable due to brain inflammation, which is incredibly stressful for parents who want the best for their kids.
What Can I Do As a PANDAS/PANS Parent?
When your child is in a flare, your initial reaction might be to… *react*. Flares can trigger frustration, anger, fear, and sadness in us as parents. It’s not uncommon to feel the urge to yell, cry, or freeze altogether. Having some strategies to regulate yourself during those tough moments can be helpful.
You’ve likely heard the analogy of putting on your own “oxygen mask” first in an airplane emergency before assisting your child. This advice also applies when dealing with a flaring PANDAS/PANS child. First focus on slowing yourself down so that you can turn your attention to your PANDAS/PANS child, to help them navigate the tough emotions they are experiencing.
Slowing Yourself Down When Your PANDAS/PANS Child Needs You MostÂ
Learning these strategies earlier in my PANDAS/PANS parenting journey would have been incredibly helpful. Once I began implementing the techniques below to slow myself down during flares, I noticed how it could change the entire outcome of a flare:
- Breathe
Breathwork is one of the quickest ways to slow down your emotions. Try this breathing technique:
– Breathe in for 4 counts
– Hold for 4 counts
– Breathe out for 8 counts
- Count Backwards
Try counting backwards from 30 or reciting times tables to yourself. Counting helps engage your *thinking* brain and disengage your *emotional* brain.
- Use Your Senses
Focusing on your senses is an excellent way to slow down the nervous system:
– Smell: Try smelling a scent like lavender
– Taste: Sip on something with a strong taste, like peppermint tea or something sour
– Sight: Step outside and observe nature or look at a calming image or video, such as a beautiful beach scene
Identify smells, tastes, or visuals that work for you. Consider carrying a comforting scent (lotion or essential oil) or a calming picture. Having these easily accessible allows you to use them in any setting.
- Be Aware of Your Body
Remember that during a flare, your PANDAS/PANS child is in fight-or-flight mode. Their brain is actively scanning for potential “danger” due to inflammation. While we know there is no actual danger, their brain may misinterpret environmental cues as threatening.
Certain behaviors are more likely to trigger a “danger signal” in a PANDAS/PANS child’s brain:
– Loud voices
– Fast movements
– Angry facial expressions
When interacting with your child during a flare, do so intentionally:
– Use a low, calm voice
– Maintain a neutral or soft facial expression
– Move slowly and deliberately
It Takes Practice
Learning to slow down your emotions during flares doesn’t come naturally, so be patient with yourself. Practicing these techniques will not only help you as a parent, but will also significantly benefit your PANDAS/PANS child.
Are you interested in one-on-one PANDAS/PANS Parent Coaching? Contact me here for a free 15 minute consultation.
