The transition period after high school for a PANDAS/PANS teen can be challenging!
Not only are parents navigating the normal separation/individuation process of their child, but also, managing the logistics of a teen who may still be dealing with physical and mental issues due to PANDAS/PANS.
I want to share a few tips that can empower parents and teens during this transition.
1. Follow Your Child’s Pace and Direction
Deciding on the right path after high school for a teen with PANDAS/PANS needs to be a collaborative process.
It’s important to explore various options without pressuring your PANDAS/PANS teen, keeping stress levels low about this next step in their life. Make it clear that there are many acceptable paths forward.
PANDAS/PANS teens often don’t become immediately independent after high school; it is more of a gradual process where they need support and accommodations from their family and their new environments. Additionally, these teens may still be in medical or homeopathic treatment at this stage in their life, and expectations of them need to be in line with their physical and mental health.
If a child has specific talents or interests, explore related options such as vocational training, internships, possible volunteer opportunities, as well as college. Let your PANDAS/PANS teen lead the exploration process. If they decide to explore a particular path and have a positive experience, support their choice. Flexibility is key; for instance, if they need to move forward at a more gradual pace, support that decision until they’re ready for more commitment.
2. Be Prepared for Ups and Downs and a Longer Time Line
It’s important for parents to keep a longer-term perspective and have realistic expectations about this transition period.
Understand that the goal of independence may take more time for a PANDAS/PANS teen, and this process can involve many ups and downs. A teen might feel great one day and struggle the next.Â
The best thing parents can do is remain a steady, safe place for them to turn to, without getting pulled too deeply in the emotional ups and downs yourself. Â
3. Keep Tabs on Your Feelings and Anxiety
Having gone through so much with their PANDAS/PANS teen, it’s easy for parents to fall into anxiety about their teen’s well-being. Be aware of anxious and catastrophic thinking, as it can feed your teen’s anxiety.
Be available to listen and support your PANDAS/PANS teen, as well as validate their experience.
Acknowledge the difficulty of the transition, and work collaboratively with your PANDAS/PANS teen to come up with possible solutions that meet their needs and required pacing based on their physical and mental health.
4. Acknowledge the Need for Extra Support
Flexibility and realistic expectations are essential for PANDAS/PANS parents. The path will sometimes feel unclear, but moving forward with imperfect action will eventually help clarify what your PANDAS/PANS teen needs.
Sometimes, PANDAS/PANS parents need extra support during this transition. The transition from high school to next steps can be stressful for PANDAS/PANS families and it’s important to give yourself the extra support you may need. As a PANDAS/PANS parent myself and a therapist with 23 years of experience, I can provide you with solid guidance and support through this process. Contact me today about PANDAS/PANS parent coaching.
